I don’t know how to explain this but I’m both inclined to fight and take flight. To survive in the “gbas gbos” environment I grew up in, I learned to both fight and retreat. Now, I appreciate the presence of peace and stability because I’ve experienced their absence and it wasn’t fun. Before now, when I see that things are starting to get crazy, the first thing that comes to my mind isn’t fight, it’s flight.

I have never admitted this (not even to myself) but I’d admit it now. I used to be very scared of commitment (yes, used to. I’m not completely free of that fear but now I know and do better) I never fully immersed myself into anything. The few times I did, I made sure to stay close to the door so when it began to look like the kind of madness I experienced growing up, I didn’t just run. Like the two legendary black birds sitting on the wall, I flew away.

I had a room full of emotional baggage in my heart. Hurts, frustrations, pains, insecurities, anxieties and anger I never dealt with. I just kept them locked away. So, the first thing these situations do is trigger them because pain is friendly with pain. If you get heartbroken the third time, whatever pain you feel comprises the pain of the first two heartbreaks.

Hence, when I saw situations that made me feel like I usually felt as a child, I didn’t look back. I just ran and boy! I ran. I ran from people. I ran from opportunities. I ran from myself. I ran from things I really wanted to do because they cost too much. Once upon a time, more than getting an education, my motivation for wanting to go to the university was to run from my family and run I did (see, thank God for growth).

The things I couldn’t run away from, I hid from. I just shut everything out and observed like I wasn’t involved in whatever was happening. I was so invested in never experiencing hurt like I did as a child that I became a quitter.

I’m not happy to admit this but the truth is the truth. I was once a quitter with no regard for finishing. My priority was feeling good. I can count on one hand the things I’ve finished. I can’t count on my two hands the things I didn’t finish. The funny part is that I was never short of convincing reasons to justify my flight. Talmbout “I was starting to feel insecure” “I was starting to get anxiety attacks” Are these valid reasons? Yes. But the fact still remains that I quit.

They say you don’t know how strong you are until being strong is the only option. But being strong is never the only option. Quitting is always sitting seductively beside being strong.

The reason for all these “shalaye” is that something I’m currently invested in began to show signs of complications. What used to seem as simple as: just commit wholeheartedly to it and kill it began to have branches and subheadings.

A straight road suddenly became riddled with curves and bumps. Funny enough, I didn’t consider quitting. It didn’t even cross my mind (an obvious sign of growth) but something happened again and although I still didn’t consider quitting, I felt sad. And I’m sure God that knows me more than I know myself already knew that if that sadness persists, I will think about quitting and my reason will be “I was beginning to feel uncomfortable and it was making me really sad”.

So he addressed the issue before it came up. I was just viewing WhatsApp statuses when I came across this T.D Jakes’ video on someone status. He said and I quote “see you don’t know what people go through behind the scenes trying to go through life. Let them know being me is not easy. It’s not for the faint of heart. I fought with my fears, my doubts, my anxieties, my insecurities. I fought with haters, liars, backbiters, betrayers. I even had to fight with family and many times I laid on the bed and I couldn’t sleep because I was fighting with myself! I fought!”

After playing the video almost a dozen times, I went on Google to look for the full clip and I found it on YouTube. The title is defying the urge to quit. I watched the part one and part two and I understood that seeing that status and watching these videos was God’s way of telling me: Adejumobi, regardless. Adejumobi, I need you to trust me enough to defy the urge to quit and stay. I need you to fight to finish regardless.

I’m a huge believer in “if it costs you your peace, it’s too expensive” but that same night, I realized that you actually have to fight to keep your peace. You don’t have to fight to have it because Jesus already gave it to you but you have to fight to keep it. If you’ve ever given up on projects and plans like I have, you’d know they never go away, they haunt you and in a very subtle manner, they pick on your self-confidence. Doesn’t this seem like a threat to your peace already?

I have noticed that a major problem we’re not paying enough attention to is the romanticizing and normalizing of mental illnesses. We will rather wallow in helplessness than take responsibility for our lives and get help. We go to the hospital to treat physical illnesses but we draw the line with mental illnesses. “I’ll be fine las las” is our regimen. You won’t be fine though. If you don’t get help las las, you’ll be worse.

Some of us are even in denial. We’re just there; reposting other people’s tweets and captioning it with stuff we should be telling a therapist. I wonder what we’re waiting for. Some fairy to make our problems disappear? I hate to be the one to break it to you but nobody is coming to save you. The most people can do for you is help you and you have to help yourself first.

But no, why help ourselves when we can blame it on anxiety, depression or even ADHD? We’ve created a little bubble of self-pity that we bask in. We just want to feel sorry for ourselves. I’m not sorry if you feel attacked. I feel attacked too but I want us to do better because we deserve good health.

Am I invalidating mental illnesses? No. I dare not because I know how terrible and tough they can be to deal with. Am I criticizing our comfortability with dysfunction and mental illnesses? Yes yes. I am.

Imagine looking at the last few years of your life and realizing that you didn’t take any action towards being better, all you did was make excuses and pamper your mental illnesses with lotion and lavender. We whyne about our circumstances and how people have treated us badly and I wonder when we’d realise that regardless of people’s actions, inactions or circumstances, this life that we have is our responsibility. We have to be the best of ourselves for ourselves. We owe ourselves that much.

Feeling the urge to quit is not even the problem. Giving in to the urge every single time is the problem. Yes, it’s okay to give up sometimes and in some cases but having the mindset of “I’d just drop it if it’s too stressful” is where the problem is because this is already a defeated mentality.

Take breaks. Rest. Play in between but don’t you ever quit. Fight. Fight for your peace. Fight for your sanity. Fight for your life. Fight for yourself. Fight yourself. Fight anybody or anything that needs to be fought and make sure you finish. You don’t have to do too much at once. Take it one at a time. Finish one and gracefully move to the next. After every finish, your self confidence naturally receives a boost. You’re proud of yourself. Your smile is wider. Your belief in what God is doing through you becomes unshakable. How don’t you want this? How will you choose a defeated life over this?

Consistently finishing the things you’ve started helps you respect yourself and people notice this so they do the same. This is life. This is the life. Jesus didn’t die for us to be running around like headless chickens because life’s tough. Feel free to cry but make sure to wipe your tears, eat, sleep and keep going. You have the life of Christ in you so you can do all Christ did and all he can do. Christ finished. Why can’t you or why won’t you finish?

You might be asking why does it have to be tough? I just want a simple and peaceful life. Me too fam. I want a very simple life and I still don’t know why it has to be this tough? But I know that tough or not, God is the strength of my life. He is my help and I trust him enough to obey him even when I don’t understand or when I would rather not. I trust him.

I slept off after the second video. I didn’t pray until the next morning and the bulk of my prayer was: God, help me because I know it’s never by power or might but by the Spirit of the Father. Hannah said by strength shall no man prevail and I absolutely agree. In my quitter phase, I was keeping a distance from God and relying on my self discipline and intelligence. I was proud. Now, I’ve learned. My anthem is: God help me. Show me mercy.

The main purpose of this post is to encourage you to take care of yourself, take responsibility for your life and trust God enough to stay and fight to finish regardless.

I know giving up is an option but it’s not the best option. I know you’re tired but you can always take a break instead of quitting. Just try, make efforts, hang in there. Your future self will thank you for holding on. You don’t even have to do so much. It’s fine to go slow and steady. Take baby steps. It gets better I promise. With intentional effort and God’s help, you’ll be fine. You’ll feel like yourself again. You’ll be healthy and hearty. I believe in you. Just keep trying. Cheerssssssss.

Cheers to crossing finish lines and doing so much more.

Cheers to zero excuses and showing up.

P.S: regardless is actually one of my favorite English words.