I’ve been having this annoying headache since yesterday. I’m quite prone to headaches but my headaches have specific causes like lack of sleep, stress, headgears, hunger or packing my hair too tight. I wasn’t dealing with any of these so I kept wondering where the stray headache was coming from. Then I felt like I was hyperventilating today and suddenly, I knew where it was coming from. I must mention that I slept all through today too. I literally practiced sleep, wake up, rinse and repeat. I’m not a koala in Jesus name.

Also, I went on WhatsApp this evening and didn’t see any message from anyone. Lol. I just shrugged and archived the group chats. I finally got what I wanted; to be left alone. I’m not sure I really want to be left alone though. I’m just tired I guess. I miss being actively engaged in conversations and actively building and nurturing relationships but I don’t want to have to fake what I’m not feeling. Maybe it’s all about genuinely trying regardless of how tired I feel. I guess I shouldn’t allow myself to be controlled by feelings.

Lowkey, I don’t really like how my life is my hands. I don’t like how my future depends on me. I feel like I’m too unreliable to be responsible for my own life. My phone charger is held together with tape at two points, now imagine my life in my hands. I mean, I have to make something worthwhile out of my life amidst all these? Comme des falcon.

Sometimes, I feel like it’s too much and I’m scared I’d mess myself up. That’s my biggest fear right there. I’m not sure if this is because I know I have so much power or if it’s because I don’t know how much power I have. However, I’m sure of how insanely powerful my God is so I’d just let him carry me through while I do the best I can, try. I’d just keep trying yeah. By trying I mean going to watch YouTube videos on how to pick a lock because I still don’t have anything to say to people. *laughs tryingly*