I googled “what do you call a person that easily lose interest in things?” Butterfly-mind was one of the results. I instantly fell in love with the adjective and the book it came from “the weird sisters” by Eleanor Brown. (I’d make sure to write a review when I read it.)

I’ve described myself as being flighty and restless but these two terms don’t quite capture the essence of my flitting mind and my inability to stay committed to something. This inability to be committed affects every part of my life from my appetite to my relationships. When my mind starts to fly, you hear me gripe about hating routines and wanting something new. My interests are like God’s mercies, they’re new every morning.

Sometimes, I feel like a quitter because this minute I’m obsessed, losing sleep and can not shut up about a particular thing. Next minute, I’ve forgotten all about its existence. I remember when I wanted to get my guitar. I couldn’t sleep. I stayed awake anticipating and imagining how my life will be centered around it. I planned to be an expert in less than three months. I stopped practicing less than two weeks after I bought Temperance. I sold her before she was three.

I’ve dabbled in and out of various endeavors like hairdressing, radio presenting, podcasting, music, painting, trying to be a scrabble champion, trying to be a rubik’s cube expert and what not. Do I need to mention the story ideas I was excited about but abandoned before I could get anywhere with them? I don’t think I do. Anyway, they’re not that many. Just about a hundred or so.

Every single time, I tell myself my next interest will last longer than a week and I’ll be more disciplined. Funny thing is, I think I’m a disciplined person. My discipline just doesn’t work for the flitting nature of my mind. Or maybe I’m not trying hard enough. Uhm. Have you seen me in zoom meetings? I’m always like the mother of a toddler at a party. The one constantly yelling “Amara, come back here.” “Amara, drop that.” “No sweets Amara, sit here.” Only in my case, I’m the mother and my attention is the toddler. But I try. I do. I really do.

It’s because I try that I’ve found a couple of things that work for me. My ridiculous attention span is one of the reasons why I’m such a huge fan of humor and comedy. Humor gets my attention in a way most things can’t. It hugs it so tight that it can’t slip away. I love it. If it makes me smile, my attention will check in more frequently. If it makes me laugh, my attention will stand nearby. If it makes me comfortable enough to play and joke around, my attention will grab a chair and join the party.

I’ve given deep thought to what my purpose in life really is on many occasions. As a result of this, I have decided to pursue different careers at different points in my life. I’m a natural multi-tasker. I am also multi-talented. (Inserts subtle brags) I want to do this and that and that and that. I want to be in-between a variety of tasks. I’m presently a content writer and a doer of other stuff. I have decided to pursue a career in education and stand-up comedy later in life. I know there’s going to be more career options because my butterfly mind is still flying.

However, butterfly mind or no butterfly mind, I’m proud of how intentional I am about getting to know myself. The good, not good enough and the quirky part. I’m paying attention to myself more than ever and I’m enjoying the process. I’m proud of my growth. It’s not all easy and sweet. It’s actually rough and tedious because growth doesn’t encourage shrugging off your problems and manipulating your feelings like I’m used to. It’s hard but I’m here for it.

I’ve been meaning to start this blog for a while now but juggling school with freelance writing and building an active life in my head hasn’t been very easy. Anyhoo, look who’s finally starting a new blog after she lost interest in the OLD blog! She is me. I am she.

Deep down in the heart of my heart, I want to make this blog a physical representation of my butterfly mind. Of course, this means random and unpredictable posts and I think that’s okay. As much as I want people to appreciate my art, I create for myself before anyone else. It’s my primary mode of expression and this, I’d do on my own terms.

From my butterfly mind, for me, to you. Cheers.