The first thing people who meet me physically notice about me is either my vivacity or my unfriendly face. The irony. Lol. I’m tired of telling people I’m actually a sweetheart regardless of how scary I look.

It’s a little different online because they can’t see my face. The first thing people online tend to notice about me is either my smartness or my vivacity again. I get comments like “I really love your energy” “You’re so cool” after chatting with people for the first time.

Sometime in 2019 or 2020, I’m not really sure. I sent someone a WhatsApp message for the first time and we got talking. Several minutes into the conversation, he asked for my course of study and I told him, education and religious studies. His comment got me laughing for a long time. He said “aren’t you too smart for the course?” I laughed because I remembered how everyone “expected” me to study law because of the so-called smartness. I can’t remember what came after my laughter but I know I laughed a lot.

I could laugh about it because I’ve learned that my smartness doesn’t control me. I’m the boss here. My smartness is not supposed to push me to study law. I’m supposed to push the smartness into whatever I’m studying.

The acknowledgment of my vivacity makes me happy. I like that people feel comfortable around me and love my company. However, it used to put a kind of pressure on me. The pressure to always be the hyper person “they think” I am.

You see, people will always try to put you in a box. Talmbout, “you’re an extrovert” “You’re an introvert” “you’re a nerd” yen yen yen but you don’t have to be a story, you can be a collection of stories. You can be an introvert and an extrovert. You don’t have to summarize yourself because people are lazy readers.

I’m learning to stop forcing the energy when I’m really not feeling it. People tend to think I’m sad when I’m not jumping around but I’m not. Contrary to popular opinion, I don’t have a lot of social energy and I usually have to deal with anxiety first.

I’m learning that I’m not only myself when I’m happy and hyper, I’m also myself when I’m quiet. I’m learning that I don’t need to fix myself. The introvert and extrovert in me can co-exist peacefully and they will. I’m learning to stop manipulating my feelings. I’m learning to be honest with myself and others about my feelings. I’m reading my own stories.

The same way caprisun comes in apple, orange and various flavors. You can be you in different flavors. You, the introvert. You, the extrovert. You, the ambivert. You in various shades but still very you. You with new flavors everyday but you regardless. Don’t try to fit into people’s idea of who you are. Shock them. Lol. Read your stories. Embrace and express every part of you. You’re God’s baby and so much more. Sooooo much more.

Live. Learn. Grow. Shine.

Cheers okrrrrrr.