Hiiiiiiii.

P.S: I wrote this on the 11th of January.

So, this post is long overdue. I won’t say I’ve been busy even though I have. I’d just say I’ve been thinking of the best way to start off this year. I’m a sucker for new things and new styles of doing things too. I thought I could do something different for the blog. Say upgrade to a paid plan and make it search engine optimized. But I’ve decided to take things one at a time.

I realized that the reason I never get around to doing much is because I’m so busy planning and doing so much in my head that I forget to actually do them in real life. Hence, I’m writing out everything I otherwise would have done in my head and I’m taking it one at a time.

For now, digital marketing is the deal. I’m taking courses. Watching YouTube Videos and reading articles on Google. When I’ve followed this path to a considerable extent. When I’ve experimented and recorded outstanding results. When I can boldly say, I am a phenomenal digital marketer. I’ll move onto the next thing on the list. I’ll be a content creator, a blogger, a digital marketer and the next thing on my list.

Following Fredrik Backman’s format. This post is about a free ride, patience and showing up. Three jolly friends. Ha ha ha.

The free ride

Yesterday, I was supposed to go somewhere in the evening and I had no cash. Usually, I’d have begun to plan how to get there but I didn’t. I just said well, if God wants me to go, he’d provide. But nothing happened.

So, I took from my money for hair. Amazing thing is, I sent the money to my Wema Bank account. PiggyVest said “you’ve withdrawn the money” but Wema Bank said “guy abeg, I never see any money.”

Money hanging on the way. Just wow. I kept saying not now Jesus. Not now. Not today. Bad timing. However, I didn’t worry much. I just slept. Before I slept though, I drew a list— yes, I make a list for everything.

I didn’t actually sleep but let’s just assume I slept. I woke up around 7:00pm and was to go out around 7:30pm. Still no money. I wasn’t exactly panicking but I was worried. The person I was going out with paid the tee-fare to the place so I had to pay the tee-fare back home.

I didn’t know how it was going to happen but I knew it was. Even in my worry, I had faith yeah. Now, I was supposed to send all the money from my flex wallet to my bank account at once but I didn’t. I decided to send half of it first. I didn’t know that was God’s grace saving me.

Anyhoo, I sent the other half to my GTBank and funded my safeboda wallet. Normally, safeboda carries just a passenger but I had a partner and we had to go together. Whenever I take Safeboda with a friend, I pay double. So, I’d put my mind to paying double.

But I got home and realized that not only did I not pay double. I didn’t pay at all. The amount to pay showed zero naira. I thought it was an abnormality but the rider said the money had been deducted and rode off. I checked my wallet. My money was still there. Ah. So, God indeed provided. God provides. I didn’t touch my money for hair. God is JIREH.

Patience

I used to do something when I was a child.

I’d go to my Dad and say “Daddy, promise to say yes.” At the beginning, my daddy would always say yes. So I’d ask for something and wear him out until I get it. I was quick to quote “promise is a debt and a debt is a sin and all sinners will go to hell fire”. I had a “my way or the high way” mentality at a very young age. I was a “give me what I want or I throw a tantrum or give you the silent treatment” kind of child.

Also, I wanted what I wanted immediately. It didn’t take long for my Daddy to figure out that he might not live much longer if he kept saying yes to my demands. Not because they were too much — I never ask for too much — but because I won’t let you rest until you fulfil your promise.

This was me then. But now, I’m the kind of person that’d smother my eagerness to get whatever you promised me until I don’t think about it anymore. I’m still as eager to get what is promised to me as I was as a child. I just don’t express it anymore. Now, I get tired of asking.

I’m naturally not a patient person. If you know me at all, you’d know I ask a lot of questions. I’m seeing something now and I’m thinking beyond now. I’m usually particular about why.

This is exactly how I am with God. I want the full picture. I want it all planned out. Yes, I love spontaneity but don’t spring surprises on me. I feel like a combination of contrasts sometimes. Because it’s hard for me to stay in the middle. I bounce from one end to the other. If I’m not impatient then I’m too patient. If I’m not obsessing over it then I’m too nonchalant about it.

I used to think balance was impossible until I realized that God himself is a combination of contrasts but he balances it all so well.

He is so far yet so near

He is so passionate yet so unmoved

He is so subjective yet so objective

He is so sentimental yet so principled

He is so merciful yet so just

He is so compassionate yet so ruthless

He dwells in inapproachable light yet he covers himself with darkness.

The God in Leviticus is the same God in John

Through the law, he teaches and gives us grace.

When I read that part in Romans 5 that says “tribulation worketh patience and patience experience and experience hope and hope maketh not ashamed.” I smiled. I can relate. The experiences I thought would kill me are the greatest contributors to who I am now.

When I say God will do it, I believe it because there’s an antecedent. He’s done it before. He constantly comes through for me. He’s kept me waiting before and the result of that waiting was mind blowing. This is tribulation working patience and giving me experience. Now, I understand that if he’s keeping me waiting again, then greatness is around the corner. I’m hopeful and full of faith because I’ve seen this before.

Showing up

I remember someone telling me to look into digital marketing. He said I already have some of the skills it requires and it suits my personality. I agreed with him. I think this was in 2019 or thereabouts.

I always want to try out new things even though I used to have a sheety sense of commitment. I was excited about digital marketing. He sent me the contact of a digital marketing professional and I sent the lady a message. I’m laughing at myself as I write this.

The lady sent me a course and I was so eager to start. She’d probably dealt with a lot of people like me because she warned me to calm down that as much as it looks interesting, it could be tiring.

Ladies and gentlemen, I got tired the first day I opened the course and never went back. I also couldn’t bring myself to reach out to the lady again because I felt ashamed of myself. That was how I closed the chapter on digital marketing and stuck with writing.

In the second half of 2021, I went back to digital marketing.

It was obvious that we would love each other. Between last year and now, I’ve taken breaks and all but guess what? I haven’t stop chewing in my mouth and working towards being a phenomenal digital marketer.

I can’t remember the exact number of times I went to Ikolaba high school for the FAME GLP facilitation. But I know it was only once I didn’t have to call my mum by 6am in the morning to send me transport fare.

You don’t want to hear the drama that happened the day of the leadership training too. Actually, you should.

My mum sent me the tee fare too and it was all I had in my account. So I went to the POS shop to withdraw but GTB said insufficient funds. Hehehehehehe. It started as a joke but it wasn’t. I had to call my Dad because GTBank dragged me in the mud.

I later realized that GTB deducted money for the ATM card that hadn’t even expired yet. If I wasn’t determined to show up on that day and the days of all the facilitation programs, I wouldn’t have been able to participate at all.

I have given up on so many things. Giving in to my wandering mind for so long has worked a “let it go” mindset in me. I’m learning to conquer this with a “no, I must do this” one.

I may have nothing to prove to anyone but I have everything to prove to myself. I once did something I naturally wouldn’t do and I remember telling someone “I just wanted to satisfy myself”. Lol. I know my mind is paying attention to my actions and inactions. It’s just like your keyboard suggesting words to you. Of course it’d suggest the words you use the most.

So if you’re anything like who I used to be, the “walk away” kind of person. The “just leave everything and go” kind of person. Your brain will keep saying quit, quit, quit. But if you’re the “I must do this” kind of person, you’d be surprised at the solutions your brain will come up with.

I was so sure that I’d make it to all my facilitation sessions. I had it deeply entrenched in my mind that it’s either I go or I go so much that most times I call my mum after I was all dressed. As much as I can count on my mum to come through for me, my faith was not in her. My faith was in the fact that God led me to do this. Hence, he’d provide. And he did, every single time.

My election screening wasn’t funny. I felt attacked. They said I didn’t have antecedent. That I wasn’t serious about the position that I just wanted to “do something”. Lol. I didn’t know the press night was going to be bloodier.

The Editor-in-Chief of my faculty press saw active participation in my manifesto and came for head. He accused me of being inactive for the few weeks I served as a member of the press.

He didn’t back down. I don’t know what he was trying to achieve but okay. He clearly didn’t like how I left the press. Especially because I didn’t say anything to him about my political ambition.

According to the press, I wasn’t stable enough to hold the position. My response to one of their questions was “plans change.” Then a press woman in front said “so you can wake up tomorrow and decide to abandon this position too”. Lol.

My face wreathed into a smile. I smiled because I couldn’t cry. I felt like crying because they were right. I could. I could wake up tomorrow and say you know what. Politics was a bad idea, I want to resign. I very well could. But I wouldn’t. Leemao.

I wouldn’t because it’s not left to me anymore. I’m no longer living my life based on I-wants and I-don’t-wants or I-feel and I-don’t-feel-likes. Jesus has taken the wheel. My life is no longer my own. And if God lives through me, expect nothing less than excellence until the day of completion.

I outsmarted my mind the day I learned to pray the prayer of surrender. “If you let me live this life on my own, you know I’d ruin myself and ruin the people associated to me. So please hold my hand. Lead me and help me follow.”

I’ve surrendered everything to God. So when you bring up my weaknesses, I laugh. You don’t know that this life I now live, I live by faith with grace and mercy following me up and down like enchanted lovers. It’s no longer what I do. It’s what God does through me.

Do I have still have the tendency to throw everything away and go? Yes. I do.

Will I throw away everything and go? No. I won’t.

Why? Because by the grace of God, I am not a quitter. The keyword here is by the grace of God.

It crossed my mind to leave the podium, the pressmen that wanted to eat me up, the desire to serve and just go. I felt tempted to go and never look back. It was almost as if my mind was saying “come on Adejumobi, we’ve done this before. Let’s run away again. No one can see or judge us when we go.” But I stayed there. Kept smiling and answering their questions. They gave me and I gave them back. You can’t intimidate me dears. Do you know who lives in me? Do you have any idea who dwells in me? Stop eet bruhhh.

I can’t say I’ve done many things with my life but the few I’ve done. I’ve put my heart and soul into them and I’ve done them well. Nobody can take this away from me. So now, when I say I’m here. Come rain or sunshine, I’m here. Henceforth, we show up regardless.

Why am I opening my bumbum in the public like this? I’m doing this for the one that feels like a quitter. Maybe you’ve quit on a lot of things. But it’s fine. We’re humans afterall.

I’m writing this for that person that feels like a sheethead. You feel like you’ve lost so much opportunities that you don’t think you deserve any more. It’s really not that deep. Give yourself another chance.

You’re ashamed of how fleeting your interest is and how much you struggle to stay committed.

I understand. I feel you. But please give yourself grace. If God can give you a new life then surely, you can give yourself a new start.

It’s fine if everyone around you is flying a plane and you’re still struggling with a bicycle. Take baby steps by consistently riding your bicycle. One day you’ll fly too, but for now just show up.

Train your mind to come up with solutions instead of escape plans. Enough of the running. Stay and fight to finish.

Lastly, Shine my love, shine. Make God proud. Make me proud too. I love youuuuuu.