I’m going to start this post by telling you about one of the most embarrassing days of my life.

I was 11 and I was in SS2. My brother who was four years older than me but just one class above me was excited about this party they (the SS3 students) had organized. Somehow, I feel like this incident has something to do with my hate for parties that are free for girls.

Anyhoo, my brother and I used to go everywhere together and this party was not an exception. So we got to the venue. Some nice events center, I can’t remember the name though.

Bouncers were at the gate receiving the gate fee and apparently, confirming that those that went in for free were actually girls. It got to my turn and the bouncer asked me for my money. I turned to look at my brother who was standing behind me.

He said “is it not free for girls?”

The bouncer looked at me from head to toe. Then fixing his gaze on my flat chest, he said “shey this one na girl?”

Leemao. I wanted to cry or maybe evaporate.

I was eventually allowed in but I hated the party. I don’t know what I was expecting. But it was just alcohol, smoke and new secondary school graduates giving expression to their wayward hormones. I was disgusted.

I remember sitting by myself, away from everyone. I spoke briefly to one or two of my brother’s friends. But for the most part, I drank smirn off and pretended that my brother and his friends were not making a brothel of the innocent events center.

Apart from not having much of the physical qualities that makes a girl a girl, I seem not to posses a lot of the non-physical qualities too. Talmbout,

“You walk too fast, don’t you know you’re a girl?”

“You’re too opinionated, don’t you know you’re a girl?”

“You’re too nonchalant about house chores, don’t you know you’re a girl?”

“You’re too cold, don’t you know you’re a girl?”

One day, tired of the numerous don’t-you-know-you’re-a-girls, I said to my mum “then train me like a boy.” “I’m acting like a boy. Fine. Train me like a boy.” I don’t think she’s ever mentioned don’t you know you’re a girl to me since then.

We consider less emotional women unwomanly and call soft men even worse. We’re the secretary of heaven and creation affairs. People of a particular gender must be a certain way or they’re called names and mocked. Well, men are mocked. Women are rebuked.

This blogpost is for three categories of people:

The ones that fit into the stereotype

The ones that do not fit in

The carpenters that construct and uphold the stereotypes.

To the ones that fit in: don’t you ever forget that you’re unique just the way you are. I know you check all the boxes but there’s more to you than what they say or think. Let God who made you name you and let the opinions of men be counted as noise.

To the ones that do not fit in: to hell with their boxes and standards anyway. As a man, it’s fine to not have a deep voice. It’s fine to be sensitive. It’s fine to not exactly have the words to describe yourself. As a woman, it’s fine to have a deep voice, hate color pink and love boxing. It’s okay to be a fast walker. Be comfortable with and in who God has made you to be. Let God be the stamp that endorses your identity and let men be like my junior waec result, irrelevant.

To the carpenters: dear upholders of age old stereotypes. Dear advocates of the way it always has been, REST.

Lastly, you are God’s own. He formed you and named you. You belong to him. Let him help you see and accept you. Isaiah 43 vs 1.

Be yourself in God my love. Be you, in God. Cheersssss.