Instead of doing a thank you post, I’ve decided to do a review of my 2021, share the lessons I learned on the way and round up with a shout-out to everyone that made my year amazing.

2021 REVIEW

January – February

Anxiety was dealing me so bad that I began to have difficulty breathing. I was having steady panic attacks and paranoia set in at some point. This was also when I got my phone and officially started working for Convre. My mental health was in the mud but being with family made it a little better. See, it’s good to have people around. Either you talk to them or not. Just having people around does more for you than you’ll ever know. I didn’t know how terrible my mental health was until I began to live alone in my sister’s house in March.

March

March was a crazy month for me. It’s the worst month I lived this year. The anxiety and paranoia got worse. I was convinced that I had high blood pressure and one day, I’d just fall down and die. I was always crying. I didn’t want to be around people. My appetite was nonsense. My sleep pattern was rubbish and ulcer showed me shege. I remember buying rice for breakfast, cake for lunch and gelusil for dinner. I wasn’t actively trying to die but I was passively saying death if you come, I won’t fight you. I was binge watching AGT, BGT and every comedy video I could find on YouTube. They were the only things that gave me a semblance of joy. I wasn’t writing or reading. I wasn’t even attending classes. I wasn’t praying. I was just existing. I was floating. Sody’s scary part of me was on repeat. See, don’t let anybody tell you the songs you listen to don’t matter. They do. I was sad and I listened to sad songs to make me even sadder. You like these songs because they’re relatable but they’re doing more harm to your mind than good. This was also my buying phase. I was buying clothes and other stuff I wanted to give myself momentary happiness.

April

A snake had chased me out of my sister’s house and it didn’t take long for me to see God’s hand in the situation. I don’t know where I’d be now if I didn’t leave that house. This was the month everything began to change. I started praying again. I started studying the word again. I started attending church meetings again. I was living with two amazing people that made me feel so comfortable and loved. I was still mentally not there but I wasn’t crying as often as before. I was eating and sleeping better too. I still wasn’t attending classes because I was working two jobs. I’d go out and walk up and down because I didn’t want to be in the face of my two landladies.

May – June

I resigned from one of the jobs because it was making me lose my mind. The other job closed up in June. My “having money” phase kind of ended here but God didn’t stop showing up for me in big and little ways. I was still buying stuff from my red account balance because buying things for myself is therapeutic for me.

July – August

I got some temporary writing gigs during while I wrote my exams. I wrote the stupid exams for over two months and fell sick a couple of days after I finished. I think July was the month I started this blog. I’d been feeling better but my head was still so full. I could feel myself slowly dissociating again so I started the blog in a bid to clear my head. I wanted it to be a place where I could honestly express myself and let out pent up emotions.

September – December

September was alright. It was another month of trusting Jireh to provide. October was my birth month and it was amazing. It was also the month I ran for a post in my department and won. God threw me the birthday party I was too lazy to organize for myself. I started exams again in November and finished in December. Here I am now. My God is good and kind to me. Nah. God showed up for me this year in a way only he can.

LESSONS 2021 TAUGHT ME

Nothing lasts forever. Not the friendships and definitely not the money. Not the good situations and definitely not the bad ones.

You can never be too lost for God to find you. He can find you and he will find you.

Human being bad. There are terrible people in the world. Selfish people with hardened hearts, no love and certainly no joy.

Humans are amazing. There are beautiful people in the world. Humans that’d genuinely love and care about you for no reason at all.

Money is not wealth

Happiness is a sham. “I just wanna be happy” is not enough to be your life goal because happiness is fleeting and totally not worth it. Peace is the real thing because when there’s peace, there’ll be joy and joy is lasting.

There’s nobody the devil can not use and there’s nobody God can not use. As much as there are good and bad people, there are also good people who make mistakes. At the end of the day, we’re all humans. Make God just dey help all of us.

Expect nothing from anyone. Expectation is the mother of disappointment. Give what you can and expect nothing from anyone except God. Let all your dependence, expectation and trust be in God because humans will shock you. Most times it’s not even out of wickedness, the human nature is just so frail and fickle.

Life is so much better with God. What more can I say? I mean I’m a living testimony. This is not how I started this year. I didn’t have any plan for this year. I just wanted to survive but I did more than survive, I thrived.

Faith is a must. Carry your life and plant it in faith because without faith, your life as a believer will be as dusty as Akobo road.

Giving is a must. I love to give but this year, I learned to stretch myself further. I can not count the number of times I gave out my last card with no hope of getting money from anywhere. I’m still asking God to teach me to give. To help me focus on love and not what I have or what I’d gain when I’m giving.

Guarding my heart is a must. This year, I learned to filter the information I take in. I stopped listening to a lot of my faves and focused on Christian music and sounds. I intentionally forgave and dealt with offenses in my heart. I expressed my thoughts, concerns and misgivings even when it wasn’t comfortable. I stopped trying to tie my relationships down and learned to live in the moment. I realized that my heart is literally my baby and that’s how I pamper it now.

Gratitude is a must. Say thank you to people. Say thank you to God. Appreciate the little and big things. In all circumstances, be grateful.

Don’t joke with your relationships, especially your family and friends. Nahhhhh, I received support like never before this year. The most beautiful thing about the love and support was how random they were. Nah. Family and Friendship is beautiful. In lieu of this, I’d like to say a very huge thank you to the following people:

Mr & Mrs M.A (my parents), Olamide (my sister) and Bolaji (my brother) for loving me, supporting me, taking care of me and always coming through for my broke snoot.

Jemima and PPrecious for giving me a place to stay when a snake made me homeless.

PPrecious for being such a stubborn but amazing human, for the beautiful pants she got me for my birthday, the talksss and the food that is not sweet but I usually eat with love.

Jemima for being a friend in every sense of the word (even though she doesn’t use to have sense all the time) For the food, the money, the care, the discussions, the stupid jokes and the songs we can’t get out of our heads.

CFites for making me look forward to Sundays, enhancing my growth and being a warm and fuzzy place to be.

My GANG sisters for giving me the best birthday gift ever and simply for existing.

Vincent for being a soft friend and someone I can always talk to about the soft things of life. For the money, the friendship, the talks, the support and the push to do better at school and shoot my shot (career and man-wise).

Pauletta for being absolutely nobody. I don’t even know this guy but thank you for not dying all the times I thought you did. Thank you for the money, the foolish banter, the serious talks in between and the god-ibejis you’ll give me this year.

Stanley for the stress and the money I literally force you to spend because should I starve? For being my go to person when I need help and for always coming through for me even when it’s not convenient.

Fife for being a literal embodiment of love, for the food, the support. Omoooooo, emphasis on the support, the talksssss and your house that’s always open to me.

Ife and Cynthia for being the most serious of all my coursemates and sending back all the materials and instructions I ignore back to me and also for keeping seats for me.

My coursemates and the members of my department for being so supportive of my political career. For believing in me and for voting for me. I’d make you guys proud. I promise.

Fikayo for being an absolute goat and an absolute pest. For the food and the money. For not giving me food when I visit your room and not caring about me.

Eriiiiiiiiiiiiii. Shout out to Eri for being a total angel in my life this year. For the random money and occasional bursts of energy in my DM. For being so graceful about life.

Adunola for that visit to the arcade and your shiny forehead. For doing the best you can with what you have and being an inspiration in so many ways.

PFunsho for always asking me about life and letting me turn your house into a laundromat. For feeding me, sending me money and showing up for me when I need you. Thank you. I love you.

Rotimi for being an amazing friend still. For the money, the occasional check ups and all you’ve done. You’re still the best accountability partner.

PLaolu for teaching me and making me talk about things I’d rather not talk about. For being instrumental to my growth, well-being and success.

Yemi for being my guyyyyyyy. Someone I can absolutely be free and open with. For paying attention to me and drawing information out of me. For your willingness to help every damn time and the wholeheartedness you put into all you do and loving. For making me repeat what I’ve said before a million times because of your coconut head and for being an absolute pest and a precious gift.

Olanipekun Faith for making me nice dresses and being a goat but a good friend nonetheless.

PDebby for that surprise 5k you sent me and for being such a graceful bearer of God’s light.

Honour for the talksssss, the care, the instructions and the love.

Temi Oloye for giving me a birthday gift I still can not get over, for the scholarship thingy and being an amazingly reserved person that I love to disturb.

PPelumi for your sweetness and kindness towards me. For the treats and the meetings that never work. We will see don’t worry.

Shout out to every single one of you. I love you and I appreciate the relationship we have. Y’all are such beautiful gifts to me. You love me with all my “yeyeness” and I don’t take this for granted.

Special Shoutout to MY GOD, MY KING and MY FATHER. JIREH!!! Thank you Jesus. Where do I start from? I mean, what can I say but thank you father. Thank you so much for everything. For everything, I say thank you. I love you and I love you and I love you.

Cheers to us and cheers to SIXTY blogposts.

P.S: I hope you guys have gone to thank God for having someone as amazing as I am in your life because odikwa not easy o. You guys don’t even know how lucky you are to have me. Lucky cocoyams.