SALT WATER

You ask me how I’m able to express my feelings so well with words.

I say I cry a lot.

You ask how writing is related to crying

And I cry for you.

I cry but tears don’t fall, words do.

You don’t see tears on my face but you see words fill my book.

I look up and ask if you get it. You nod your head yes and say: you write when you cry.

I shake my head and say: no, writing is how I cry.

THE ADJACENT VIEW

I used to have this friend who was depressed and recovering from weed addiction. His withdrawal symptom was mostly headaches; terrible headaches. He was on medication and even the medication had unpleasant side effects.

My regular question to him was always: how’s your head? We were always talking and I used to actually pray for him to be better and be able to live without depression and migraines but then we stopped talking. We grew apart. At some point, we were still chatting occasionally before we finally stopped. Then he started posting videos and photos of himself smoking weed and drinking. He was back with his old friends.

I wasn’t surprised or disappointed. I was curious. I wanted to know what finally made him give up the fight againt weed addiction and depression. Then I realised he didn’t want to talk to me anymore. He’d give me one word replies and sometimes not even reply at all. I figured that he thought I was going to judge him and that was strange. We used to talk about everything with each other and he’s anything but ashamed of himself and his choices.

Maybe I could have reached out again. Maybe I could have told him that I didn’t care about the fact that he gave up on living a healthy life. Maybe I could have directly asked him why he was being curt with me but I didn’t. I just kept viewing his status, wondering if he was fine and saying prayers for him because I knew he wasn’t.

THE PENGUIN

I have become a bird.

I have become a bird with no job but with enough to eat and spare.

I have become a bird who perches on the tallest of all trees and sees far and wide.

I have become a bird, flying so high in the clouds that I feel the glory of heaven and I sway to the song of angels.

I have become a bird who sings of God’s glory every morning because afterall, he gave me the new day.

I have become a bird who goes with the wind because God rides on the wings of the wind and where he is is where I am.

I have become a bird.

I have become a bird that lives in awe of the majesty of God. I have become a bird so immersed in the worship of God that my life, chirps, songs and flying trips can not but show forth his praises.

I have become a bird and my anthem is

Glory Glory Glory to God in the highest.

SMILING GAS

I remember you

The dark skin, the white teeth and the smile

I remember the vivacity you carry about

I remember your tall bespectacled friend too

I miss you but I don’t regret allowing the silence you started to stretch.

I don’t regret cutting all ties with you.

Even now, I’d rather occasionally think of you and the songs I associate with you than allow you treat me like an option.

You can have the other girls.

I’d hold on to the memory of the little time we had as whatever we were.

I don’t know if we’d ever meet again or if you’d remember me. Or if whatever we had meant anything to you. It was such a short while.

I think it’s better this way too

I’m scared of the way I love you

And I’m content expressing it from afar

I’m not even jealous or mad that you are with other girls.

That’s not how I love you.

I don’t love you in an “as long as I have you” way.

I love you in an “as long as you’re happy” way.

I want you to be happy even if happy is her or them.

That’s how much I love you.

I love you regardless. I love you nevertheless.

P.S: I stalked your social media pages today.

It was quite easy to find you

I just keep wondering

Do you remember?

Did it mean anything to you?

Do you, do you perhaps still think of me?

PUBLIC PROPERTY

You were really nice to me.

You felt like home.

I didn’t know what to give ‘cause I

Never knew what you wanted

You made me feel like the others were flies

You found annoying.

You had this habit of giving me

All your attention.

Making me feel like I was all that mattered.

Everytime I needed you, you came running.

It’s the way you make me soften with little things

And your hugs. You’re literally a human bear.

Then the surprise gifts. It was the first of its kind for me.

The concern and affection and how you trust me with your worries.

We were not officially a thing but we had a thing

Then we blew it up. Or maybe I did.

I’d see you and be unsure of what to do with myself.

The person I’d look forward to seeing became someone I could no longer say hi to.

It kiiled me. Everytime I saw you

Lol. And there were other girls.

I was always hearing about you

You were always something of an interest to girls

After hard-guying my way through losing you

I felt the weight of what you meant to me one night and I cried. I listened to Ruth B’s crave and thought of you. Then I cried myself to sleep.

Even when we got past whatever drew us apart, it was never the same.

I figured you were more of a lesson for me.

I learned a lot in the few months we spent together.

It pleased me then to know you were jealous about other guys but I don’t miss you anymore.

I still remember the times we had each other but I’ve forgiven myself for being stubborn and proud.

We were never meant to be a thing only to have a thing and we did. Mission accomplished.

I don’t know what it was for you but those months were the best of that year for me.

I don’t love you considering how I ignored your last message and roll my eyes when I remember your lack of responsibility. You’re just one of them others now. A friend or whatnot. Nothing special.

I saw you again today and I wondered

Do you ever think of me?

Those months, did they even mean anything to you?