It’s been ages I know. Forgive me. I’ve drafted this since though. I just had to finetune and post on here. Enjoyyyy.

So, I respond to information better when it’s not coming from a human being or should I say a living thing. I’ve been hearing “interact” a lot these days and it has helped me to realize that contrary to what I’ve always thought, the issue (I’d say my issue but I don’t have issues in Jesus name) is not short attention span or forgetfulness. It’s being absent minded and engrossed in the life I live in my head.

So for me to be where I really am, I need to consciously bring myself there. When interacting with humans, I collect information and plan to process later but when interacting with books or sounds, I process immediately and I respond better. (Humans distract me. Lol.)

This explains why I do not like calls and why I act weirdly after receiving information from people sometimes. My life in reality must be as rich as the life I live in my head. Hence, I’m making intentional efforts to live in the moment.

Now, Holy Spirit says, listen and ask questions. I’m a very inquisitive person but my questions are hardly immediate. Wrong strategy. Holy Spirit says, focus now, listen now and ask questions now. Do all you do wholeheartedly.

I used to struggle with prayer. Instead of being there with God at that moment, I try to record my experience while I entertain my wandering mind. Although I’ve gotten significantly better at focusing and interacting during prayer, other aspects of my life still need help. So I’m working on those.

Most times, I just personality my way through conversations. When I’m not sure what someone is talking about, I just pick on the bits and pieces I’m able to hold onto at the moment and flow like I’m not lost. (Do you see why I prefer chatting now?)

Remember that time I talked about dissociation yeah. Now, I’m trying to turn my ability to dissociate and withdraw into myself into something beneficial. I mean, it doesn’t have to be a bad thing that I’m here but I’m not here. Like presently, I need a me time with God.

I want to be alone with him, lots of food, great sounds and free internet minus social media for weeks, months even. Since I can’t have this now, dissociating and withdrawing into myself can be a good option. It’s like recharging. Rebooting. Refreshing.

As I write this, I’m laughing at myself. Lol. Explaining why I’m laughing is another story entirely but I’d just say this: weaknesses are mismanaged strengths.

One beautiful thing about the Holy Spirit is that he heals you completely. You think you’re fine until he shows you why you’re doing what you do and how to do better. You think it’s a weakness until he floods your heart with light and you see that with intentional tweaks, the things that pull you down are the very things put in place to push you up.

Again, weaknesses are mismanaged strengths and strengths? They’re weaknesses with a dash of awareness and what not. Say, your strength is determination. Lol. You’re determined because you know what it means to not be determined as well as the consequences.

I hear someone say strengths are things you do effortlessly. Lol. They’re effortless because of consciousness. You’re conscious of the fact that you do them well and you find them easy to do.

E.g: I’m a phenomenal writer. I am conscious of this fact. My writing prowess is real to me because I’ve seen results. I have proof. Like my skin, it’s substantial. Is writing easy? No. Do I find it easy? Yes. Why? Consciousness.

Knowledge is potential power. Conscious knowledge also known as applied knowledge is the real power. Until it becomes as real to you as life itself, you don’t know it and it most likely won’t work for you.

Everyday, I keep getting blown away at how much of an intricate planner God is. I mean, look at us. Our minds. Our brains. Our thought processes. Our behavioral patterns. Our perceptions. Our experiences. Our decisions. Look at life. The story. The art. The process. The orderly spontaneity of it all. I’ve seen too many masterplans unfold to doubt that God, in his unmatched wisdom actively exists.

Have you though? Is he real to you?