Me, I’m not really a words of affirmation lover. I’m more of a physical touch and acts of service lover. The main reason why I tell people I love them is because I’ve come to understand that hearing those words mean a lot to some people. Not me. Telling me you love me till the cows come home means nothing to me if it isn’t backed up by actions. Actually, it irks me. You love me how? Show me. How can you love me and I’m not seeing it? (Love me as as how?) I mean, the words matter to me but they must be backed up by actions. I find the words annoying without actions.

That’s why before I say I love you, I always always think about it. I go: can I do blah blah for this person? Can I show up for this person when it’s not convenient for me? Have I shown love to this person? What are actionable things I can do to back up this statement? Most times, based on my answers to this questions, I eventually do not tell them I love them. Other times, I tell myself I’m overthinking it and say it regardless of my answers to the questions.

When I love someone, I don’t wait for them to ask me for help, I see them struggling and show up with help. Sometimes I offer it. Other times, I do it as a surprise because I want to see the joy on their face when they realise that I’ve been listening and paying attention to them and their struggles. I’m a sucker for kindness and thoughtfulness. It makes me melt and insanely happy. So I try to be that kind and thoughtful person to people because I want them to be insanely happy too.

But there are times where all the fabulous plans and intentions I have live and die in my head due to various reasons. Times when I can’t express the kindess and thoughtfulness I’m expressing in my head in real life. They say it’s the intention that count but I don’t really buy this. Love is an action word. Scott Peck said in his book, the road less traveled that the opposite of love is laziness. I believe him. A lot of times, we just love in our head.

I look forward to being able to love as loudly in real life as I do in my head. This doesn’t mean I’d continue to be a lazy lover by loving in my head (or from afar). I’m just saying I’d keep trying in my little way until I can try in a big way. I still have to battle selfishness, laziness and these other things that make love seem not enough.

So I’m a highly sensitive person. (I’m trying to explain how I know things I’m not supposed to know because I’m tired of saying I just know and I just sensed it.) Now, the only thing most people know about sensitive people is that they easily get hurt. Lol. Being (especially highly) sensitive is more than that. I didn’t exactly know it was a thing until very recently. You can read about it here

I remember being told many years ago that I don’t know anything about myself yet but I’d get to know myself better as I grow. Some people are so lucky to understand who they are, what they want and what not very early in life. Some of us, we just pick up bits and piece them together as we go. It’s not the easiest method of self awareness but we’ll take what we can get.

Someone in a movie said “I think we become different people before we finally settle into ourselves.” and I thought it made sense but I don’t think so anymore. I think we don’t exactly become different people, we just discover and express different parts of ourselves until we finally know ourselves enough to harmonize these different parts.

My sensitivity is one of the reasons why The Holy Spirit and I have a wholesome relationship even though I still do the goat thing I do sometimes. And of course, being highly sensitive has its good and bad side. Just read about it to know more. You just might know an HSP and being aware of what it means would definitely improve your relationship with the person. I’d continue this post by writing more personally about HSP later. I’m still reading about it. I’ll come back when I’m done but in the meantime, pay attention to yourself and enjoy. Cheerssssssssss and happy sundayyyyyy.