P.S: I slept off while I was writing this yesterday night.

As I write this, Kelly Clarkson’s piece by piece is playing. I wanted to read but there was no light so I decided to watch America’s got talent. A lot of the acts I watched tonight were emotional. My favorites are my favorites for purely sentimental reasons.

This girl, Breez Carver danced to piece by piece after announcing that she was adopted. Apparently, the song is about a deadbeat father and I just had to look for it. She said she was so shy when she was adopted. She’d always hide behind her mother. Her parents thought dancing would help her confidence. They were right because she performed on the biggest stage in the world and she shone like a star.

One of the most beautiful thing about art is that regardless of the form it takes, its goal remains the same; expression. Art is flexible and non-judgemental. It allows you to live through it. Art is soothing. You can tell from the number of crushed, broken, lost, sad and hurt people that turn to art for some sort of comfort or healing. Art is life giving. There’s the magic in the creator and the magic in art. When deep calls unto deep, something phenomenal is birthed. That breath that God breathed into man during creation, that’s art. Art is not your mate. Aside: now that I have your attention, how dare you disrespect and underprice creatives? How dare you treat writers, artists, artistes and creators like your being alive is not due to our benevolence? Repent from your ignorant ways and believe, you heathen. Give us our fugging flowers. (Sorry about that. I just had to practice what I’m preaching with this post by expressing myself.)

I watched the act of Nightbirde; a cancer patient. The life she poured more into her song is more than some people pour into their existence. (The song title is it’s okay. You really should listen to it). She’s battling cancer with just 2% chances of survival and she goes to AGT to sing it’s okay. This is wild courage and yes, I believe her. It’s okay.

Then there’s Matt who lost his wife in the helicopter crash that killed Kobe Bryant. This grown man cried on stage because sometimes you just have to release yourself. There’s also Ray Singleton that sang for his wife who battled and won against brain cancer. Their love was so beautiful to see. (These are living souls.)

It’s a known fact that sentimentality helps a contestant go far in these competitions. Yes, there’s the place of merit but some people just come and they blow the damn box. People who have learned to turn their troubles to strength. People who are not scared to feel. (People who are not dead souls) People who exude life and light. You feel their pain but instead of feeling sad for them, you feel strength to face your own pain. These are the real artists. They’re light bearers and life givers.

You know, I’ve been second guessing this whole personal blog thing. I don’t share the link to my posts because I ask myself: why would anybody want to read the story of my life? Why would anybody care about my personal troubles? Why should anybody care about my butterfly mind and what goes through it? (Who sends my daddy anyway?)

I have answers to these questions. I just don’t believe them. You see, sometimes we experience conflicting feelings and emotions. We neither understand them nor know what to make of them so we just let them surge through us hoping that one day it’d make sense. Then one day arrives. Someone who has gone or is going through the same feelings and emotions shares their experience. Then we go “ohhhh. No wayyyy. That’s exactly how I feel” A light in our head comes on and understanding shows up.

Feelings and emotions that were once conflicting become reasonable and understandable because someone shared the story of their life. We just got a better understanding of our experience by listening to someone else’s experience. (Lol. We need one another more than we like to admit.)

I once googled about things to do to make my old blog relevant and one of the advice I got was to make it less about me and more about the reader. (But here I am doing the direct opposite.) Like I mentioned before, my art is first for myself before anyone else. It’s my primary means of expression and express myself I will.

Tonight, as I watched different emotional acts I thought, vulnerability is indeed strength. The real deal is not the things that happen to us. It’s how we choose to see and respond to them. Nightbirde said “you can’t wait till you don’t have problems anymore to be happy”. It’s not what life gives you bruhhh. It’s what you make of it. Yes, life is hard but you’re here already, what will you do with this hard life?

I have decided to stop feeling guilty about yakking about the story of my life on this blog because I’m worth it. We all have stories and they’re all worth telling. We all deserve to be heard, seen and recognized for the magic we’re capable of. Your story is an embodiment of your experiences. Your experiences are absolutely unique to you and they’re such beautiful things to share with others. There’d always be many similar stories but your story is only one; yours. Don’t wait until you’re a celebrity to share it. Your being alive is reason enough.

Some people might call it looking for pity or being dramatic but why should you care? Why should you send anybody’s daddy? I’m saying express yourself without apologies. Oh! Shine baby shine. It might be hard because we’re in the age of golden eggs and nobody cares about the goose. I say shine anyway.

We don’t really care about the process. We’re just hungry for results. Forget the eye and lip service. What we really preach is: you don’t necessarily have to be fine. Just be productive. (Life is hard and nobody is fine anyway) Mental health is now more popular than ever, how? Well, the cases of mental health issues have sky rocketed so much that it has become impossible to turn a blind eye to it.

Gush at the beauty and usefulness of the golden egg but don’t neglect the goose that laid it because you’re going to need more eggs and dead geese don’t lay eggs. When last did you do a human thing like feel (I mean actually feel) or just talk for the sake of talking? (Oh sorry. It’s not on your to do list.)

When last did you do something spontaneous? When last did you do something for the hell of it? Are you even living? Or is your life just a race against the future you don’t want and a fixation on the future you want? What about now? (Na person wey dey alive dey get future sha.)

Uhm. I’m still listening to piece by piece by Kelly Clarkson. You know, my father was around but never around so when I think of a father, God comes to mind. He’s the one collecting me, filling the holes, taking care of me, loving me and restoring my faith piece by piece. He’s the father that stays and he agrees with Nightbirde. He says it’s okay.

Live bruh. Live. Live today. Live now.

Live Adejumobi. Live today. Live now.

Cheerssss.