(Errm, you might want to get a Bible before you start reading this. It’s a sort of a Biblical rant. Lol.)

Few minutes ago, I was talking to a friend and I said “I just feel like this life is rubbish and I deserve better. Way better.” And I do. I deserve all things sweet, beautiful and nice. I deserve a soft life; a life full of ease. I deserve all these and more.

There are two obvious (maybe not obvious) things about me: I’m not a patient person and I hate to wait. If I want something, I want it now. If I’m not on time, I’m before time. If I arrive late, it’s either intentional or something huge actually came up.

Nevertheless, I’ve had to wait for things other people seemingly got on a platter of gold. Things I know I could have gotten without the wait. Sometimes, I think my speedy education is a joke because apart from that every other significant milestone in my life, I waited for it.

So I’m here, waiting again. The waiting room is filled with so many promises and words from God. My Bible says everything else may fail but the words of God will never go unfulfilled. I trust my Bible but here’s the problem, I’m not comfortable in the waiting room. My impatience is slowly turning into anger and I’m getting restless. I keep asking: why not now? If not now, when?

So this evening, I told Holy Spirit I didn’t want to hear it. I wasn’t having anything he was saying. Yes, his words were on point as usual but I wasn’t looking for more words. I wanted action. God. I was angry. Instead of praying out my anger like I do usually, I turned on the laptop and started watching peaky blinders. Holy Spirit was still there talking but I kept giving him the silent treatment. The few times I spoke, my replies were questions and accusations.

However, amidst all these, in the heart of my heart, I knew Romans 8 vs 28 and Jeremiah 28 vs 11 are solid truths. I knew but I was still angry. So I focused on my peaky blinders. Does this make my anger misplaced? I don’t think so.

You see, as a child of God, I deserve everything I’m asking for. Not just because I want them but also because these are the things God wants and has planned for me. I have his promises and words as evidence. Does this make me wrong to complain and rant? Again. I don’t think so.

Some Christians believe you should never question God. Lol. God is not insecure. I don’t know about yours but my God isn’t. He can handle my questions. He has answers to all of them. I may not understand them but that’s totally okay. I’m human. It’s okay to not understand God’s ways. (They’re higher than mine remember.)

So what do I do in times when I feel like God is sleeping on my case? What I do is I speak his words over your life. I remind myself of who I am. I remind God of who he is and I remind him why he made me who I am. 1st Peter 2 vs 9. I remind him that if he doesn’t help me, Matthew 5 vs 16 won’t be possible. After doing this, I gather all the trust my whole being can muster and pour it into him.

I bring my faith down from my mind and give it expression through my actions. I hold onto 2nd Corinthians 5 vs 7 and Habakkuk 3 vs 17-19 because Matthew 10 vs 27.

I didn’t want to write a post. Holy Spirit told me to rant and I said: you won’t even let me rant in peace. Look who’s here pouring it all out. (I gave in after reading Jeremiah 32 vs 27 and Zephaniah 3 vs 19-20)

See, I have known loneliness. I’ve been in very dark places but there’s one thing that goes everywhere with me. No matter how dark or ugly or hopeless or tough it gets, this one thing stays firmly on my mind (like an agbalumo stain on a shirt.) It’s something I’ve grown into. I can say it’s a part of me now. I’ve asked questions. I’ve laid accusations. I’ve drawn back. I’ve gone quiet. But in all these, I’ve never doubted Romans 8 vs 38-39.

You should know that faithfulness is the nature of God. This means if he says something and he doesn’t do it, he’d cease to be God. Bottom line: he’s faithful and he’ll do it. Have faith in God. It’s a crazy thing to do especially when he’s not showing you his workings. I say trust him still. He knows you. He sees you. He hears you. He loves you.

Lol. About an hour ago while I was giving Holy Spirit an attitude, I still told a friend to trust God. (God has all my mumu buttons. Goodluck to my future husband.) Even in my anger, I still ask: if I leave you, where would I go? Hence, in all my goings and comings, I still come back to Jeremiah 31 vs 3. It’s like nonsense sometimes (even to me) but God is good. All the time. Cheersssssssssssss.