I saw a friend’s photo on her WhatsApp status and I thought to reach out and see how she was doing. Then I realized that I didn’t actually want to know how she was doing. I also didn’t want to partake in the conversation asking that question would lead to so I wrote But… instead of reaching out.

For a while now, I’ve been in my head, in myself. Apart from very necessary interactions and very rare uncessary ones, I’ve not been talking to anyone. It’s not for lack of something to say. It’s more about me not having the energy to convey what I have to say. Even when people reach out, the usual me would make effort to keep the conversation alive and see how they are doing but these days, I realize that I really don’t want to know so I just let the conversation die a natural death.

It’s not like I don’t care. I do care. I just really need this me-time to be a (better) person. Sometimes I think I’m barely even a person because… uhm. I want a complete social media break but it’s quite impossible to have that now so I’m settling for laying low and play possum on social media. I swear I still love my people.

Naturally, one of my happy places is with a pen and a book in front of me. Writing is cathartic for me. Sometimes, I can’t even tell what the problem is until I bare my feelings on the pages of a book. Then I start to pick up the pieces and match them accordingly until it forms a sensible picture. However, this hasn’t been the case. My feelings have been very very quiet too. I try to write and nothing comes. On a normal day, I don’t even try to write, I just write. Now, even my trying doesn’t yield much results.

I’m surprised about this one I’m writing. I just started and it’s turning out amazing — at least I think so — I’m still not feeling much but that’s okay, baby steps. I want to apologize for being distant but I think apologizing when I can’t promise a changed behavior is not good enough. Therefore, I’d just keep using the little energy I have to learn new things (like how to pick a lock) and create new things (like a professional portfolio and a new blog)

I know God is in this phase with me because where I am is where he is. This is enough for me to believe that it’s a wonderful phase and I’m going to come out better. P.S: God has been amazing to me. Super super amazing and I’m excited about his promises and all he has in store for me.

So, I’d end this with a word of encouragement because I love to ginger people even when I’m not gingered. I’m a gingerbread by default. Here’s the word: it’s okay baby. It’s absolutely okay. It’s okay to be tired and it’s okay to take breaks and rest. Just don’t stop trying to be better. Cheers. (By the way listen to it’s okay by Nightbirde) xx.